confused.. and far away from you.
It doesn't have to be like this. I'm not even like this. But I'm staying like this. Even if I can't have anything in return..
..or you alone.
I'm sorry I don't understand where all of this is coming from. Even I can't answer your questions. You asked me, Why? Why did I like you, you think it's too soon to tell cause maybe it's just a sudden outburst of feelings. It's just an attraction, you say.
Is it?
But why am I still so into you? It's been a while and that was just too fast, but why do I still feel the same? Remember I told you how I feel about you? and this is not my thing? Cause I'm not being ANNA anymore. I don't easily get attracted FIRST to a person. And I'm also not the type who gets attracted unless that person made a move to like him. But you. You don't. You just did it but you didn't do it for me to like you. And it's making me feel amazed and frustrated at the same for doing that to me; for making me like you so much without doing anything. You effortlessly show who you are and in a snap, you placed me here... in this very complicated situation. I know it's not your fault and I'm not blaming you for this. I'm not blaming you for being so good to me, to your family and for being so perfect. I mean just my "kind of perfect". I don't want you to change how you treat me. I don't want you to be away..
...away from me.
This is my choice, and that is yours. I respect that. It's just that it feels depressing that I can't have you, that I can't be with you by all means...
That this is so one-sided. I guess.
And even though you'd like me too, someday.... I know you'd still choose Him.
The moment I confessed my feelings to you, that was my first time. I didn't do that to anyone. It kills the woman in me if I'll do. But you. You somehow changed me. All of a sudden, I wanted to be honest with you. I wanted to be close to you and I want to be close to Him, too. You unintentionally change me for the better. If this change is for you and for Him, if this change is His way, I'll always be wanting to change, and be honest with you just for you.
Just for you.
Before you said goodbye and wished me luck, every piece of me that wants you got shattered and it's killing me that none of them wants to back away despite the hurt. From that day until now, I still keep thinking of you. Everyday I pray, that this man, YOU, he's all I want, maybe He can give you to me.
Too good to be true.
I know I'm not the smartest nor the most beautiful person you know. I'm not even a good or holy person to grant me my wish..
But I won't give up..
I won't give up that 40% chance though it was never mine for you to give. This may be a very fast, "some sort of attraction" for you, but if you could just see me... and let me, I'll be here patiently waiting for you to come and make this work out. I promise you I won't be your any other girls from your past who doubted you, who's been unsure of you. I'll be faithful to you just like what you do for Him. And IF EVER, He'll give you to me. I'll see you as the best gift, my best gift..
...my person.
I like you.
And someday I might call you from my heart.
NO REGRETS.
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