Real thing awaits.

Maybe I was being childish. Immature perhaps. I was drowned too deep into smaller things where there is a bigger world out there ahead of me. Like I'm beginning to realize that I'm not getting younger anymore but I still keep on focusing to some silly fights that I don't even know why the heck I'm still giving attention to and putting effort to this nonsense. Everyday I keep on asking myself, what is it that I really want? After graduation, after boards. What should I expect myself to be? Will I be practicing my profession or be a professor instead? Like should I be working abroad or what. If money would be put into priority, would it matter more or just wanting to have my kind of way of living? Honestly, I don't know. Just not yet. And I'm beginning to hate myself for being miserable to the things that aren't even worthwhile to be frustrated of. The worse part is that I let it happen. That I put myself in that situation. Everytime I think about it, the notion that I feel like the biggest part of my life has changed.. or is now long gone, when in fact it's not. It's just a piece of my "real" life. And maybe I was close-minded to think that my world should be revolving to the idea of love. I became too dependent to that idea. I'm kinda type who either gives everything.. all out or just withdraw without even trying. And that just sucks. I never had the chance to be in the middle. I gamble.. all in without leaving something for myself. I show too much affection in the present that I forgot to stress out my future. I should not level myself to those people who are ill-mannered and give a fuck to nonsense things. Got a brain and I think more, obviously. So better yet look forward to what's gonna happen in the future. We can never really tell what will it be. But if everything comes back, chances given, then it's okay. If it's a permanent change, then just accept it. Life is a continuous challenge and I only have myself to back it all up.