More than friends, less than lovers.

A lot has changed in me right now. More than a year had passed since !@#$%^&.. maybe it's just fate after all. Maybe he's not just ready yet... to have me around. So after moving on from my previous relationship, I decided to put myself to rest and just enjoy what life would be giving me. And then I considered doing something different; something "fun". But it just turned out that emotions still took the lead in the end.

Once you start liking someone, you can't really get rid of the feelings. He may not be your guy, he may just be your friend or some sort of a stranger. There are guys who are sweet; some are flirts. It's safe to say that most girls have encountered one or two. But what if you'll encounter someone who can give you the happiness you've longed for but he's the type that you'll never be certain that you ALONE whom he sees? What if all of a sudden what you have with him is not a game for you anymore? What if YOU LIKE HIM ALREADY? that even if you force yourself to like somebody else thinking that your feelings won't work anyway, you still can't keep yourself coming back to him? that even if it hurts so much, getting jealous of all the girls he's seeing, you still choose to hold on.

It is really hard to fall for someone whom you knew in the first place that he's not gonna be yours even if you give everything. You both will always be "just" friends. He may be treating you special, telling you sweet words, holding you like a real girlfriend, but at the end of the day, you will only be JUST SPECIAL BUT NEVER BE LOVED. And no matter how much you show you like him, the feelings will never be mutual. There's always one stronger than the other. And that feeling belongs to you.. not to him. What's even harder is holding it back and pretend that it's okay.. and that YOU'RE OKAY. But in reality, you're still hoping that he might be into you if you stay. You even ask yourself, "will there be a chance, even for a little, that he might be loving me back if I'll wait?" These thoughts of you that even he himself could not answer. And the hardest part? It's when he doesn't want to commit to you but he also doesn't want you to leave. So where will you place yourself now when he still keeps treating you just like his girl but you aren't? You'll always be more than a friend, a special friend, but never his lover. That's the reality.


Now, would you still choose to stay? Because I did.